For added emphasis - sequel to “avoiding the stigma…”

I am posting my pictures of my wounds today.  Visit previous post for the full story. Let’s be honest here, I want sympathy… but I also want to convey how visciously wild of an attack this was… You would have to have seen it to believe it.

  These are the “G” rated ones I can show… and could photograph with my own hands.  Other areas with bruises and bite-marks? My hands, stomach, back and calves. 

 

Still sore today.

 

Avoiding the “stigma” of a label…

When other children say to me, “What’s wrong with your son?”, I usually say anything from “He’s autistic” to “He doesn’t say much yet…” She suggested a different approach. She said, that if you excuse your child, confiming for him and the children around him, that he cannot be a full participant because of his “limitations”, not only will the other children believe it, the child in question will, too.

This thought never occured to me.

 

I wrote this in my post, entitled “Who decides“? A few months ago.

 

Wow.  I stand corrected.  I did a little emergency babysitting for a five-year-old child with some developmental “issues” yesterday.

 

Well, within a space of about 15 minutes, he was wildly, aggressively violent, and a danger to me, my son, and himself.  Today, I am nursing serious bite and pinch wounds.  He broke the skin in about 4 places.  My hands are stinging. My lower arms look like rainbows, and I am really sore from trying to subdue him.  His mother was suprised by behaved so wildly with me.  What was the trigger?  Who knows? All I can say is, he was completely unaware of his surroundings, and he absolutely could not control his behavior.  It didn’t look like anger or a tantrum.  If I had to guess, it looked like schizophrenia or some sort of psychotic episode. Hey, sometimes you need a diagnosis, so you can let someone know what to expect.

 

For any parent of a child diagnosed with Austism…

Heard these past few weeks from my (now) three year-old….

 

“Mommy hurt knee?  I kiss it…” (bends down to kiss my knee)

“I’m a scary monser… ROAR!!!!” (hands over head, big, smiling grimace on his face)

“Hey, I have an idea!” (waits for me to ask him what it is… then usually announces a food choice, book he wants to read, or TV show he wants to watch)

 

We’re seeing patterns in his speech, and getting a real sense of what his pronunciation issues are.  Anything is possible. We’ve got living proof.

 

 In November, he said “Hi, Mom!” and I was floored.  Do you see how far we’ve come?

 

What a dressmaker and her client need to know…

You may already know that I am the owner of the www.findadressmaker.com site, a labor of love, which is very fulfilling to run.

My bird’s eye view of the custom sewing and dressmaking industry (mostly in the US) has taught me so much about the potential of this profession, and the type of women (we are mostly women, after all) who choose it.

Word of mouth is powerful.  Negative or positive, word of mouth will bring attention to your business. While word of mouth is  a great way to get new business, even the best dressmaker can find herself with less (or more!) business than she wants at any given moment.  Scheduling a proper workload is difficult for dressmakers.  The flow of clients can be unpredictable, and the variables are many…

The main market for dressmakers (like it or not!), is bridal.  Dressmaking is very specific, careful, skilled work… and  to navigate the bridal market, a dressmaker has to be able to deal with the emotional roller coaster that comes along with doing this type of work.  I’m not just talking about the bride.  There is the mother of the bride, mother of the groom, flower girls, bridesmaids, and the coordination of all of those people in their various locations, challenges (and temperaments) to handle.  Some people are just lovely.  Some people know exactly what they want.  Some people have a positive body image.  Some people are completely reasonable, puctual, and friendly.  Some are none of these things.  A dressmaker has to be prepared for any combination of problems, including her own variables.  If one wants to do this type of work, she has to be sure to keep an ample supply Tums, Pepto and Advil…

Having said that, the general rule of thumb regarding what a bride should be spending, is 10% of her wedding budget on the gown.  Anyone may choose to spend considerably more or less, but it would be best to know what she is really expecting, since, if she wants her gown custom-made, she is buying an invisible product.  The woman who wants a knock-off of the $6000 gown she loves for $1000 is almost guaranteed to be disappointed.  The dressmaker has to make sure she knows that it will likely require a significant downgrade in materials and labor to fit her budget.

Lastly, make sure she knows her options.  The web is full of sites which will help her plan and budget her event.  It can be hard to distinguish good ones from poor qulity ones. I happened upon a good one recently, called  Online Bridal Shows.  While the name is a misnomer in my opinion, it is a well-rounded listing of wedding vendors, with direct contact information.  The great thing that distinguishes the site from the standard “bridal show” is the complete absence of the hard sell.  It is purely informational. Now, that is truly special, since so many directory sites are full of dead links, empty categories, vague descriptions and hurdles to jump to contact the professionals, motivated by pay-per-click advertisers, with no quality control.  This site highlights the need of busy brides to be able to look at their options form their own homes, without needing to meet a million vendors before narrowing down their choices.  Some brides find the appointment and “interview” process fun, but many people are simply more information-oriented.  It is for the latter that it seems the site was specifically designed. 

Another interesting feature is the option to download virtual presentations, like ordering a “commercial” for the vendors you choose.  I would consider this to be an innovative idea, since it does help bring some more information to the event planner(s) or bride.  Since so many brides plan their weddings by committee, this also allows people in other locations to view the same info on their own computer screens.  Nice, huh? 

 

 

Best-kept-secrets (NYC fabric stores)

Originally published December 2, 2007 - this post would make a solid contribution to the “Things to Know” series.

This post was inspired by Cindy, of Wall Street by Day… who wondered whether it was worth venturing out of Manhattan to go to some of the fabric stores in Queens.

Okay, on the subject of New York City fabic stores, I can tell you that I am an absolute connoisseur. Depends on what you are looking for. New York City is positively bursting with fabric stores. I have been fabric shopping in this city since my obsession began, when I was 12 years old (no kidding). That makes 24 years experience. I can tell you that there are just too many stores to count… Due to the changing real estate market in the garment district (sky-high rents leading to lease terminations), some of my very favorite stores have long since disappeared, and replaced by porn shops, food chain restaurants, and electronics businesses, but many gems remain…

None of these reviews have been solicited. It is simply my true opinion. These stores are within walking distance of one another. For the best experience, go on a weekday, no a Saturday, and know that in the garment district, when buying yardage, prices are almost always negotiable.

My all time favorite continues to be Rosen and Chadick (40th Street and 7th Ave). They have moved from their old location, but the new location has a very bright and efficient layout. They sell better fabric, so it isn’t cheap. The staff is amazing. When you go, tell them “Mimi” told you about the store, and ask Preston to help you. He is a fabulous person. When you exit the elevator on the 2nd floor, they have a beautiful selection of printed cottons in the front window. They really know how to choose the exciting prints. They also have a great selection of suitings, woolens, silks, linens and shirtings. Just a great assortment of stuff.

I made this shirt using fabric I found there.

And this silk fabric I used to make this skirt I’m crazy about, but is now too big for me…

Another favorite is New York Elegant Fabrics (no website - 222 W 40th St
between 7th and 8th Aves). They have EVERYTHING. I’m not kidding. Do not skip the second floor, which has some really to-die-for unusual stuff for home dec and coats. Again, not inexpensive, but just a great experience.

That’s where my wedding dress fabric came from.

Fou leathers and suedes, you MUST go to Leather, Suede, Skins on 35th Street (11th Floor). Again, not inexpensive, but they have the greatest, to-die-for pieces, as well as trims and bindings you won’t find anywhere else.

I made this bag using fabric I found there.

Assuming it’s still there (I haven’t been in about 2 years), It’s a Material World on 39th Street between 7th and 8th, has a HUUUUGE selection, and very low prices. The atmosphere is more like a fabric jungle than a store, both upstairs and downstairs. If you’ve ever seen “Goodfellas”, you may rememeber the scene when DeNiro points out the location for Lorraine Bracco to go get the clothes from some “connection” in a dark alleyway? Well, the interior of this store feels like that in some places! Ha!

Something has happened to my beloved Daytona Braids and Trims (251 West 39th Street). While still a great store, they have reduced their inventory significantly, and the shopping atmosphere doesn’t feel as fun. But they are stil a great resource for trims and notions. There is a yarn store next door, too, I think.

You can’t miss M&J, for every button, zipper and trim you can imagine, but then, who doesn’t know about that one?

Steinlauf and Stoler is for the serious sewer. When you need serious equipment, many choices for interfacings, closures, bra cups, swim cups, shoulder pads, dress forms, hams, clappers, labels, muslins in a variety of weights, get your scissors sharpened, buy patternmaking paper… a million things. Go there.

The bookstore at Fashion Institute of Technology for every quality sewing publication you could possibly need, every tool you could want, and a great art supply selection. No, you don’t need to be a student to shop there.

Kashi (at Metro Textiles 265 West 37th Street Suite 908), goes without saying, right? Inexpensive and fun!

Greenberg & Hammer is another favorite for notions, tools and supplies.

Spandex House is no joke. If you are making a swimsuit, or need any kind of stretch fabric for ANY purpose, they are likely to have it! They have some great prints!

I made this swimsuit cover-up with fabric I found there… among a million other swimsuits, stretch pieces and beach cover-ups!

And… if you’re hungry while shopping… I can absolutely tell you where to eat and rest your tootsies!

Ben’s Deli, Simply Pasta, Lazzara’s Pizza (great pizza, has a really strong “garmento” vibe), Veronica’s, or Andrew’s Coffee Shop.

This post is incomplete, but I’m tired! To be continued….

 

A Room of One’s Own

 

Originaly published November 29, 2007

I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don’t have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.

-Virginia Woolf

They say a picture is worth a thousand words…

Today’s message goes out to Mimi, Summerset, Dawn, Adrienne, and all others within reach of my “voice”.

Over the past few weeks, I have been haunted by the question, “Why blog?”

I started writing entries simply to combat the frustration I felt over not being free to leave the house, socialize and have grown-up time when I wanted to…

The triple-whammy of my difficult pregnancy with our toddler daughter to care for, followed by my son’s serious birth defect and neuro-surgery, followed by an incredibly tight and grueling therapy schedule have left me very little “me time”. So I started writing this blog. What I have found to be far more valuable than the catharsis the blog has given me, is the absolute joy of reading the blogs of others…

So it seems, I have found a “community”. I was inspired to say this today, as this realisation is hitting me.

When I read your blogs, I “hear” you. I hear the love you all have for your children, (whether they are small or big)and the absolute passion you all share for expressing yourself through your words and creative fingers. I am learning so much through you. Today, I want to celebrate that!

Just so you know, since this online life can be isolating, there is someone eagerly awaiting your next posts, even when I don’t comment!

So, why the picture and quote?

Well, when my sister was little, she painted this image of my mother at the sewing machine. It was the 60’s, so you can see the color choice was very “of the moment”, and the roundness of my Mom’s afro is a great fashion statement, isn’t it?

Notice my Mom’s back to her - she is absolutely in her own world. And happily so. Even at my sister’s tender age, she could appreciate that my mother had her own passion, and my sister took the opportunity at that time, to explore her own creativity.

At the time, anyone would have said, “What a cute picture of your Mom at the sewing machine!” But the picture expresses so much more than that. It is not about feeling “left out” of my Mom’s creative world, it was encouragement and permission to find her own creative space.

As a Mom, finding your own space, your own moment to just create and really be who you are, is so important. And letting your children know that you are entitled to that space, and having them respect it, is vital. Well, husbands too, but mine doesn’t give me any conflict about my sewing. I am still carving out my own time, slowly but surely, since I have discovered that I truly cannot live (and be pleasant, ha!) without it.

The past few days, however, I have been in gourmet mode, stocking our kitchen with homemade-from-scratch goodies. I am well-fed and rested… and on a bit of a sewing binge between Aaron’s therapies… the result sof which will soon be revealed on this blog.

Stay tuned!

 

Pant fitting…. or, "Things to Know…" Part 11

Originally published April 14, 2008…

So, I had TWO WHOLE HOURS to myself yesterday. How long has it been since that happened? My husband took the kids to the park, and I had to make the hard decision about whether to nap or sew. I decided to sew. I’m making a straight pair of vibrant red pants, using a very basic pant pattern, and the sewing machine was just beckoning to me, so I put on some music and sewed. It felt great. I carefully thread-traced and sewed my darts, stitched each leg, got ready to sew the crotch seam…and… guess what?

I don’t know why, but….

I had made two right legs. One, wrong sides together… one, right sides together. Rookie mistake.

I should have napped. Clearly, I needed it.

Anyway, here are the basic alterations I had to make to the pattern for my figure. I don’t differ too much from the body measurements of the size I was sewing, so, there wasn’t much to do.

 

And when I was done… I concluded that these are not pants…

 

“Okay… she’s clearly lost her mind” you’re thinking. “I am sure I see a pair of pants in that photo”

Well, let me tell you this. I live in a shopping MECCA. If it isn’t out of economic or fitting necessity, or an insatiable hunger to have something “different”, there is absolutely NO REASON to sew another pair of pants. Of that, I am certain.

But these are not pants. No, they aren’t, my friends.

Not meant to be shown to you against the blank walls of our foyer as a backdrop, or shown on my awkwardly posed figure, as I struggle for a clever way to hold the camera, catching the right light, in an emotionally bland, poorly composed presentation. These pants are about the weather I imagine is coming, events I will attend, the life I am leading, will lead, and improvements I want to make. They are more than pants.

They are…

that trip to Seville, Spain I envision myself taking, eating a lovely paella at sunset, near the huge, beautiful Cathedral

or…

a walk in the lovely Spring weather in Central Park, stopping to people-watch at the boathouse.

or…

a casual picnic lunch out with friends, with good music.

Having invested more time and effort than I can reasonably explain, I took the steps to fit them carefully, getting just the right amount of extra width in the leg, and the hip contour to follow my own hips just right…

I put in an invisible zipper, fusing and hand-picking the seam allowances in place, to keep it “invisible” and smooth. (below)

As always, I sewed my “leg inside of leg” crotch seam, to ensure the symmetry of the inseam juncture.

They are not unhemmed and unpressed on the floor, amid toys carelessly strewn about. And they are not just pants. They are the embodiment of my creative fantasy, and happy spring mood. When I do wear them, I won’t be thinking about posing for a picture in the right light; I will simply be leading my life. So the pants I am showing you now, are not what will leave home on my body. Those pants will have a life of their own.

 

Dirty tricks patterns play… (or, Things to know #10)

Originally published March 18, 2008…

This is the tenth entry of the “Things to know” series…

I call these things “dirty tricks”, because they are potential deal-breakers when it comes to getting the desired result when sewing…

Multi-part pieces…

When using a pattern from one of the major pattern companies, please note that, due to the size limits of the pattern tissue, the printers of your pattern might find it necessary to divide some pattern pieces into two (or more) parts. So, you may occasionally find a pattern piece that is numbered, let’s use #1, as an example… but it actually needs another part(s) to complete it. Both piece 1 and piece #1A (its extension), must be taped together to make a complete piece. This spells disaster for the hasty, artistic mind that sees only piece #1, is not following the cutting instructions as written, and goes straight to pinning and cutting just that piece #1, without noticing that it is incomplete.

Sometimes, the piece has an extension to create another view, when there are different versions of one design.

This Miyake coat has an extension piece for #4, to create View B, which is longer than View A.

On strapless designs…

Strapless garments often measure less than your body measurement at the bustline. This is especially true if the garment does not have significant structural support (boning, etc.). Although the real key to keeping a strapless garment up is the boning and proper, snug waist fit, it needs to hug your bosom tight to keep “the girls” in there.

No provision for above waist adjustments…

This should be read as “Women who are ample-bosomed, or have other major upper-body fit issues need not apply”. If you know a bit about design, and can adjust both the fit and design details to accommodate your shape, go ahead and do it! Otherwise, you will be left to wonder why the features are no longer aligned the way the designer intended.

Did you know…Maternity patterns are based on pre-pregnancy measurements (and a B cup)…?

I ask you, who the heck is a B cup when they’re pregnant enough to wear maternity garb? Who the heck remembers their pre-pregnancy measurements when buying maternity patterns? Well, I don’t know of a better system, but what a pain…

Ever experienced this one? You followed the directions, made the garment, looks great… but you can’t move.
Some designs, especially for sleeves, are flawed when it comes to allowing for movement. If the fabric doesn’t stretch, and the design looks like this… know that the “funky chicken” cannot be part of the plan for that night.

Also, beware close-fitting sleeves that only have a partial armhole seam. You know the kind… a tiny cap sleeve (usually found in formal wear) that looks like a wing” attached to the bodice? Looks like you’ll have to find a waltz partner shorter than you are…

 

 

Grainline (Things to know - part 9)

(originally published February 5, 200

 

As I was saying… I made this dress in early 1995… and while I preserved its length and shape, mine was a whole different animal. I made the top (above the empire waist) of a camoflauge fabric, and the lower portion of a flowing, army-green rayon challis. I wore it with combat-inspired boots. Since I worked in the garment district at the time, it was appropriate for work. I considered it to be my “bad mood” dress, which I wore on the days I knew would require courage.

Anyway, one rainy, miserable night in November of that year, I had a cold, and a commitment to babysit a friend’s child, and an invitation to a dinner party thrown by a friend. Feeling tired and overcommited, I wore that dress.

I entered the party, which was actually a “set-up” I didn’t know about. Three guys, three women. Directly across the room, sat a man with what seemed to be a golden halo… Is that even possible? He was sitting next to a lamp that cast a heavenly glow around his head… or maybe there was a cosmic arrow pointing to him… who knows which?

He had on a pair of really interesting, Pilgrim-inspired shoes, with big buckles, just days before Thansgiving… and a big, nubby, beige knit sweater hugged his wonderfully broad physique. We made a bee-line for each other, attracted to the quirkiness of our clothing, and the positive energy we felt. We introduced ourselves, and were married nine months later. Twelve years later, I’m still smitten.

Maybe I exaggerate the importance of the dress… maybe not. However you want to look at it, it was exactly “me” that day, and that’s who he met.

I bring up this dress specifically, because it was only shortly before making this dress, that I really learned the importance of grainline in the construction of a garment. I had already been sewing a long time, but adjusted my layouts to accommodate whatever quantity of fabric I was using. Among the fundamental, practical rules of sewing garments, in my opinion, this is where sewing approaches carpentry. Grainline REALLY matters. It matters for fit, durability, breathing and movement, symmetry, and visual effect. This was by far, one of the most comfortable dresses I have ever owned, and in this “mixed-message” dress, the soft fabric of the skirt fell into gentle cones at the bottom, that danced when I moved. That is because the side seams of that skirt were on the “bias”, or diagonal grain.

The effect that using the proper grainline where the designer intended has on the finished garment is significant. It may not always be obvious when you shift your pattern pieces somewhat to accommodate a fabric shortage, alterations you’ve made to a pattern, or a less than strict adherence to the directions… but just wait till you wash it… and your fabric bumps, twists, and wrinkles in ways that betray all of your hard work. Then you will know the pain…

I have tried to make a video for this entry, but after viewing my attempts, I decided that the Threads site probably explains it much better. And they do… so you will find the information at http://www.taunton.com/threads/pdf/grainline.pdf

 

Napped fabrics (Things to know - Part 8)

Me (to my mother): Our cousin is suggesting a family get-together in North Carolina so Dad’s side of the family can all get to know each other.
Mom: Sounds like a good idea…
Me: I really don’t have the time or resources to plan it, so we really need someone else to take the reigns on this… I’m just not so sure everyone is all that interested.
Mom: (distant) Did you hear the story of the fraternal twins who were adopted by two different families?
Me: No…
Mom: Well, they grew up and married each other. They didn’t know they were twins!
Me: How awful…
Mom: That’s why it’s good to get to know your family.

Is that an understatement or what?

Have you ever sewn with a napped fabric, and discovered your cutting mistake after the fact? While that mistake pales in comparison to the surprise of finding out you have married your sibling, it is just so upsetting, I thought I would give some pointers on identifying one-way fabrics.

Many fabrics have a directional quality. Prints can have a definite “right side up” direction, such as floral with all of the blossoms and leaves headed one way. Fabrics such as brushed flannel, corduroy, mohair and velour, which have a soft or plush texture, feel smoother in one direction than the other. Also, fabrics such as knits, twill weaves and satin weaves show differences in color shading if not cut the same way. It is to these fabrics that the statement: “for one way designs - use nap fabrics and layouts” applies. The nap layout shows you how to arrange all the pattern pieces on the fabric so they are going in the same direction. Because this can require extra fabric, the napped fabric requirement is given separately on the back of the pattern envelope.

Example of a directional print (above).

If you are wondering where all of these posts are coming from, let me tell ya… I am so busy that I just write pieces of posts when the mood strikes, and I have at least 10 half-written posts at all times. Over time, I forget them, and/or forget to post them, and they just need a few sentences to tie them up and make them “postable”. This kind of brain organization happens about once weekly, so that’s when you see a flood of posts. The information is from my vast collection of article proposals (which have never been accepted), book proposals (same deal), books, magazines, and personal notes. I’ve been trying to get things published for a long time now (12 years?), but so far, I have only written for companies for whom I’ve worked as a full-time employee… so apparently, freelance writing in the cards for me, and hey, this information can help people… so why not just post it here, right?

All of my posts are the result of a spare 20 minutes here and there, while my son has his therapies (more on his progress later), while he naps, or while my daughter does her homework. Lots of good news to share about both of them… That post will take some time…